再补充一条 -mythexplorer(学习向上) @圣地亚哥华人论坛:圣地亚哥枫下论坛 The Rolia Forum of San Diego

再补充一条

mythexplorer(学习向上)

除了你所说的这种正常反应外，痛苦还有它的另一个侧面如下：

Pain is just a reflection of our path, a path that tell us that our projected self is too far from our true self. So the lost of self causes us pain. Sometimes the more we try to fix "it", the outside "it", the more pain we will experience in the future. or we try to delay this pain, or try to avoid confronting this pain, then a bigger pain is waiting for you on the path.

Then how do we deal with pain? my experience is that facing the pain, transcending the pain. By saying this, I mean we change our self, finding the correct path, align the lost self with truth and life, where the abundance and love exist. So this is the paradox of life, pain is the root of happiness. With this in mind, though we don't hope for pain, we will embrace pain so that we can transcend the self.

痛苦的核心问题不是痛苦，而是自我和生命．

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Last Updated: 2012-7-6
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迎面来了拳头，把自己变成棉花，俺不当这样的傻子。 -c__wang(cwang); 2012-6-26 (#7618112@0)

很羡慕你的性格。这个形象比喻也挺有启发性。要真能练成棉花功，那拳头倒也什么也打不着了：-） -andishi(安迪); 2012-6-27 (#7620812@0)

en, very intriguing .... very much so -win(秋天的菠菜); 2012-6-26 (#7618120@0)

感谢分享，文章不错，但是有两句，可否商讨一下？ -lyxzwy(普光明殿上的鹦鹉); 2012-6-26 {467} (#7618472@0)

”永远不要浪费你的一分一秒去想任何你不喜欢的人。 “

个人感觉，反而应该多花时间去思考自己为什么不喜欢某些人和事，一般发生这类情况的时候都是我们自己过于执著某些意识形态，这样容易发现自己的盲点。

”这个世间只有圆滑的，没有圆满的。真的好滑好舒服啊。“

个人感觉，这个世间是非常圆满和谐的，盛开的花朵是美的，落叶是美的，即使人类的某些“丑恶”的行为，更能突显善良平和的重要，提醒我们自己更加珍惜现有的，从而努力为所有人和物创造更美好的环境。

南无阿弥陀佛！

非常同意。其实我们最不喜欢的人都是我们最好的老师。在二元的世界里，没有丑恶，也就没有美善了，两者是相互依存的。 -andishi(安迪); 2012-6-27 (#7620756@0)

不是别人让我们痛苦而是我们对发生的事情给予痛苦的反应。然而在发生的事情和我们的反应之间是有一个空间的，我们是可以很好的利用这个空间来选择自己的反应。这就是如何做到emotional independent. -jullylong(梅); 2012-6-26 {1346} (#7619741@0)

本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛If I were emotionally independent, I would be validated from within. I would be inner directed. My sense of worth would not be a function of being liked or treated well.

However, if I were emotionally dependent, my sense of worth and security would come from your opinion of me. If you didn’t like me, it could be devastating. Being dependent is to let others control us, define us, use us and manipulate us, is to let the weaknesses of other people ruin our emotional lives or to feel victimized by people and events out of our control.

True independence of character empowers us to act rather than be acted upon. It frees us from our dependence on circumstances and other people and is a worthy, liberating goal. But it is not the ultimate goal in effective living.

Interdependence is a far more mature, more advanced concept. If I am emotionally interdependent, I derive a great sense of worth within myself, but I also recognize the need for love, for giving, and for receiving love from others. Interdependence is a choice only independent people can make. Dependent people cannot choose to become interdependent. They don’t have the character to do it; they don’t own enough of themselves.

If you are interested in the above topic, I would recommend you read “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

谢谢分享。换一个说法，事情本身都是中性的，我们对它的诠释赋予它好的和坏的意义。您的总结正是心理辅导中的Lefkoe Method 的理论基础。也谢谢介绍Covey的书，我碰巧有。 -andishi(安迪); 2012-6-27 (#7620800@0)

能不能请您介绍其他的 METHOD，如果不是很多的话？名称就可以了。谢谢。 -c__wang(cwang); 2012-6-27 (#7620851@0)

现在世界上的方法没有一百，至少也要几十，而且不断有新的出来。大学里能学到的可能主要就一个CBT了，我所知道的其他的好方法基本上都是大学里没有的，从治标的短平快的到治本的复杂的， -andishi(安迪); 2012-6-27 {272} (#7622125@0)
值得推荐的有emotional integration, release/Sedona, TFT/EFT, emotion code, theta healing, family constellation, the work, demartini method. 最后两个是最治本的，真正把人带到“爱我仇敌”境界的、transform life 的方法. 不知道你是个人兴趣，还是工作需要，这些应该够你玩一阵子了。

太感谢了。就是感兴趣，玩票。很好！ -c__wang(cwang); 2012-6-27 (#7622229@0)

这是你的博客？ -fly_universe(飞越时空); 2012-6-27 (#7620781@0)

是别人的东西。偶然碰上，拿来分享一下。并不完全同意其中的内容，但大部分不错。 -andishi(安迪); 2012-6-27 (#7620834@0)

开始看着文字有些似乎能接受，然后看到左边那照片中的眼神。。。我楞了下。。。那是什么样的眼神啊。。。 -fly_universe(飞越时空); 2012-6-27 (#7620849@0)

人必须要经历痛苦,才能觉悟.因为觉悟,才能等懂得, 因为懂得,才能慈悲.不要回避痛苦,更不要以为不痛苦的就是是好的,有时更可能是冷漠和麻木.喜怒哀乐,是每个人必经历的路.前人早已点播过,只是我们历练不够的原因还尚未完全领悟. -walkerw(路人); 2012-7-5 (#7634454@0)

痛苦是正常反应的一种，人之所以感到痛苦，往往是因为事情远远背离了自己的预期，正视这些出乎想象的事情，了解它，影响它，改变它就是了。 -hhyang(哈哈羊); 2012-7-6 (#7637571@0)

再补充一条 -mythexplorer(学习向上); 2012-7-6 {894} (#7638276@0)
除了你所说的这种正常反应外，痛苦还有它的另一个侧面如下：

Pain is just a reflection of our path, a path that tell us that our projected self is too far from our true self. So the lost of self causes us pain. Sometimes the more we try to fix "it", the outside "it", the more pain we will experience in the future. or we try to delay this pain, or try to avoid confronting this pain, then a bigger pain is waiting for you on the path.

Then how do we deal with pain? my experience is that facing the pain, transcending the pain. By saying this, I mean we change our self, finding the correct path, align the lost self with truth and life, where the abundance and love exist. So this is the paradox of life, pain is the root of happiness. With this in mind, though we don't hope for pain, we will embrace pain so that we can transcend the self.

痛苦的核心问题不是痛苦，而是自我和生命．

Makes sense. I can put pains aside and pick them up later. -hhyang(哈哈羊); 2012-7-6 (#7638908@0)
发挥得好！ What we condemn we become. What we fight we fuel. What we resist we perpetuate. What we ignore we stop. What we let go we end. What we embrace we release. What we love we transform. -andishi(安迪); 2012-7-6 (#7639231@0)

明白道理不难，难的是当身心不有自主的 in a fighting mode, 咋办？ -into(into); 2012-7-8 (#7642129@0)

正常，都得从这儿过，不必苛求自己。屡败屡战，总有成功克己的时候，然后就越来越容易了。 -andishi(安迪); 2012-7-9 (#7644292@0)

How do you 成功克己? 对于competitive 的人，明知道那是不值的打的架，还是很难受。 -into(into); 2012-7-9 (#7644882@0)

具体问题得具体分析。有个总的原则供你参考： -andishi(安迪); 2012-7-9 {352} (#7645256@0)
You don't have to be always right, you don't have to always win, and you don't have to always have the final say. Allow others, especially women, to be right, to win once a while and to have the final say, regardless if they are right or not. 这样做是一种修养和风度，那种感觉比打赢一架要好很多。我想你一定知道，不值得打的架，输了是输，赢了也还是输。

bingo 赢了也还是输。 -into(into); 2012-7-10 (#7646060@0)
你有博客吗？ -into(into); 2012-7-10 (#7646111@0)

Will PM you. -andishi(安迪); 2012-7-10 (#7646408@0)

...或者接受它。换个书生气的说法，pain arises from our unrealistic expectation upon others to act within our value system and outside their value system. -andishi(安迪); 2012-7-6 (#7639228@0)

理解痛苦的原因之后，能想出办法handle，痛苦就会减轻不少. -hhyang(哈哈羊); 2012-7-7 (#7640753@0)

@San Diego

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